You may forget everthing about me, but please stay health Grandpa

hari ini ibuku datang berkunjung ke Bandung bersama adik, kakek, nenek, dan salah satu om ku.. kami pergi jalan-jalan dan berbagai macam kejadian yang benar-benar lucu akibat tingkah laku kakek ku yang semakin hari semakin seperti anak kecil.. melihat tingkah lakunya itu benar-benar membuatku dan semua orang disekitarku tertawa, seperti ia menyalami setiap orang yang ia temui, lalu ingin tidur di sebuah restaurant yang ia pikir itu adalah rumahnya, bersalaman dengan nenekku seolah mereka akan pergi ke dua arah yang berbeda.. kami semua terpingkal melihat tingkahnya. tapi dibalik semua tawa itu aku langsung menangis deras.. aku ingat dulu sering kali diantar jemput sekolah olehnya.. dia tegas dan selalu membuat kami tertawa dengan ceritanya yang lucu-lucu.. dan dia juga tidak melupakan setiap nama yang ia kenal.. tapi sekarang.. ia sudah tidak mengenaliku.. benar-benar aku sedih, ia tak ingat siapa aku, apa statusku dalam keluarga tersebut, dan siapa namaku.. sesaat aku bingung saat sebuah pertanyaan terlontar darinya " Ade asalnya dari mana? " kakek.. aku cucumu.. aku hanya menjawab sambil tersenyum " Dari Jakarta kek "
satu-satunya orang yang masih benar-benar ia ingat hanyalah nenekku.. ya. istrinya..
anak-anaknya sendiri saja tak lagi ia kenal, pernah sekali waktu anaknya dibilang teman kerjanya di segneg dulu.. benar-benar konyol dan membuat kami semua terpingkal..
tapi kami semua memahami kondisinya..
ia sudah menua, dan ingatannya semakin parah..
kadang kami memang kesal dan menangis..
tapi kami harus dengan sabar menanggapinya, karena ia ayah dan kakek kami..
dan dihadapannya kami semua harus selalu tersenyum..
tidak ada lagi yang bisa kami lakukan selain berdoa untuk kesehatan di hari tuanya dan menjaganya.
You may forget everything about me, about us.. but please stay health Grandpa..

hanya waktu dan Tuhan yang tahu jawabannya

sungguh betapa hebatnya orang-orang disekitarku..
saat mereka berada pada puncak kesedihan paling tinggi di dunia, ya ditinggalkan orang yang kita sayang untuk selama-lamanya.. mereka masih mampu bercerita, meskipun sedang dalam keadaan abu-abu tersebut..
aku ingat betapa sedihnnya aku sekitar 5 tahun 5 bulan yang lalu.. aku tak dapat berbicara sepatah katapun, aku tak mau makan dan minum.. benar-benar tak berkomunikasi kepada siapapun, berjalan dengan langkah lelah dan mulutku bisu.. mataku kosong dan terus menatap kedepan, aku tak memandang setiap orang yang berbicara kepadaku, dan aku selalu menangis setiap mereka berbicara.. mungkin aku hampir gila..
kurang lebih seminggu hal tersebut terjadi, dan aku baru bisa kembali hidup normal, bicara, makan dan minum, tertawa, merespon setiap panggilan orang dan menjawab pertanyaan mereka..
berat bukan main..
aku tak tahu apa yang bisa aku lakukan bila hal tersebut kembali terulang..
entah apa aku bisa sekuat mereka atau justru lebih parah dari yang pernah aku alami dahulu..
entahlah..
hanya waktu dan Tuhan yang tahu bagaimana..
aku hanya bisa berdoa dan berusaha agar, aku bisa membahagiakan ibuku sebelum waktunya tiba.. entah aku atau dia yang lebih dulu, yang jelas sebelum waktu kami berdua aku benar-benar ingin menjadi yang terbaik untuknya.. aku benar-benar tidak ingin melihatnya menangis lagi karena ulahku..
semoga saja....

seketika

tepat beberapa menit sebelum maghrib tadi aku tersentak dan langsung menangis seketika mendengar sebuah kabar yang sangat tidak nyaman ditelingaku..
ya, ayah temanku..lebih tepatnya ayah dari orang yang beberapa bulan ini mengisi otak dan hatiku.. beliau meninggal..
aku menangis karena aku benar-benar tau apa rasanya ditinggalkan orang tua, karena aku sudah pernah mengalami hal tersebut..
sekali waktu aku pernah bertemu dengan ayahnya, di rumah sakit.. lebih tepatnya menjenguknya, sewaktu berada di Jakarta..
tepat tanggal 30 Desember kemarin ayahnya berulang tahun, dan aku menemaninya membeli kue ulang tahun untuk ayahnya..
dan aku berharap tahun ini aku bisa memberikannya kue itu sebagai hadiah dariku untuk ayahnya..tapi ternyata aku tak mendapatkan kesempatan itu..
aku benar-benar sedih mendengar kabar tersebut..aku ingin memeluk tubuhnya tanpa berbicara sepatah katapun.. benar-benar ingin memeluknya.. entahlah..
awalnya aku ingin pergi ke rumah sakit dimana ayahnya dirawat dan menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, namun aku mendapat kabar dari temanku kalau mereka segera berangkat ke suatu daerah untuk mengistirahatkan tubuh ayahnya..
sudah lama kami tak berbicara, dan tepat malam sebelumnya aku berbincang dengan seorang teman kalau aku akan kembali mencoba berbicara dengannya setelah ayahnya sehat total.. dan tak disangka ternyata Allah memberikan kesehatan yang sempurna dengan menjemputnya kembali pulang ke tempat asalnya hari ini..
dan aku hanya bisa berdoa dari jauh.. aku masih belum berani menghubunginya..
walaupun sebenarnya sangat ingin..
aku benar-benar ingin memeluknya..
maaf aku tak bisa ada disampingmu...
aku ingin, tapi aku tak tau bagaimana caranya, bila kau saja tidak berbicara padaku...

quote

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Others stay a while, make foot prints on our hearts
and... we never ever be the same " - A

Imajihati

Terdiam tenggelam dalam
Harap merengkuh jiwamu
Terjun melintas memori
Menari bebas dan menghilang
Begitu sunyi dalam ramai
Petir saja terus menghantam bumi
Dan kau belum juga mengerti rinduku melebihi elektron yang mereka hamburkan
Cinta kata bermakna yang tak dapat tercerna
Ekspektasi yang sungguh tinggi
Kita
Kau dan aku
Recto dan Verso
Hanya tertutup rapat keraguan
Merenung terkurung imaji hati
Berselimut kabut angan
Tak juga terkubur waktu
Segalanya hangat dalam pelukkan harap

- Indah Sari Ratu - 10 April 2013 -

Shouldn't Be The End

It's been a while since the day we talked
And I still shed a tears
This shouldn't be the end of our story
I felt completely happy when I'm with you

The day when you hold my hand when i'm about to fall at the railway
The day when you cover me up from the rain
Singing out loud in your car and laughing together
When we stop for a while and buy a birthday cake for your Dad
I remember it all too well


But I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end

It's crystal clear when the first time you kissed me

It was a flawless Thursday dawn at you room and you wear a grey t-shirt
After the morning dew, I was crying
And you calm me down, said i'm a tough girl


You hug me and i realize that I love you
Then we talked about our past and we both laugh

Just you and me alone in your room
I'm listen close to you for i'm not smart, i did because i loved to
and I'm wondering in my heart what do you truly feel about me



But I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end

The delicate beginning rush
I gave you everything 'cause I honestly believe in you
But I watched it moved into something bad
You keep distance from me

Something wrong but I don't what and why
I feel like i don't know you
The magic it's not here anymore
I don't know what do I should do
Everything seems totally different between us now

I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end

Tonight, i saw my picture gone from your album
This feeling got much worst

I don't know why you did that
I feel like rudely remove from your life

I heard that you get back with your ex
As I paced back and forth all this time
The days drag on, memories seems clearly than before
I feel like a stupid girl, i give you all my body and soul but you left
I should have known from the beginning

I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end
 
Today i saw you posted a picture of a house that you told me at December 29th
You told me that you really loved that place
We're trying to get there to take a photoshoot
But we didn't find a way and get lost to another place

I remember it all, but darling did you forget everything?
Please back up your memories,
In dream i met you in long conversation
Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhyme
It's been three months since you walked out and i still feel your heart beat across mine

I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end

I keep staring at  my door
Waiting for you to come back again
and smiling at me
just the way it used to be

I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you

Oh,
I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I sit alone by the window
Looking through the night
Drag a line from star to star
I imagine that it's your face
I put myself at ease i pretend my teddy bear was you
Hug it tight 'till I fall a sleep and dream of you
It's shouldn't be the end
Can't stop dream of you
Oh, darling I miss you

ketika cinta jatuh terlalu dalam

hal paling bodoh yang terjadi padaku adalah ketika aku mencoba dan berusaha menjadi orang lain, ketika aku terlalu jatuh dalam cinta..padahal aku tahu hal itu sangat tidak pernah mau aku lakukan. tapi kali ini dan untuk pertama kalinya aku melakukan hal tersebut, meski aku sadar, hal itu tak akan mempengaruhimu saat ini. aku tidak tahu mengapa aku merubah diriku.
dan kini aku terlanjur menutupi semuanya dengan tawaku di dalam keramaian, dan aku pikir semua air mataku untukmu telah habis, ternyata tidak, setiap kali aku melalui hal yang berhubungan atau pernah aku lalui denganmu aku masih meneteskan butiran air itu dipipiku. bahkan dalam mimpiku.
entah sampai kapan itu semua berakhir. segalanya begitu sepi dan buram.
dari kejauhan aku menatapmu.
dari kejauhan aku tersenyum melihat tingkah lucumu.
dari kejauhan aku memperhatikanmu.
dari kejauhan aku mengkhawatirkanmu.
dari teman kita aku mengetahui kabarmu.
dan dalam sembunyiku aku merindukan dan menangisimu.
ya masih begitu besar.
dan perasaan itu semakin besar belakangan ini.
entah sampai kapan.
semoga kau merasakannya.

Should I change the name in this lyric? hahaha

Good Charlotte - Catherine (Damn, This Situation)

 If we think about it
We could talk about it
If we analyze it, nothing gets done
I'm losing sleep about it
I toss and turn around it
We're back and forth about it
Nothing gets done

Catherine, you came out of nowhere you shook me
Damn, this situation
Catherine, I had no intention, you hooked me
Damn, this situation
Damn this situation I'm in
(Damn, this situation I'm in)

I take a walk around
To clear my head out of it
And when I come back down I'm still in this shit
I ask my friends about it
To get a new perspective
But I'm not listening to any of it

Catherine, you came out of nowhere you shook me
Damn, this situation
Catherine, I had no intention, you hooked me
Damn, this situation

Oh, Catherine
You're not mine but I need you
Damn, this situation
Oh, Catherine
It ain't right, but I want you
Damn, this situation
Damn, this situation

Please don't tell me I'm seeing you for the last time
Let me change your mind
I'll keep every promise that I've made
When we're talking late at night
Say you'll keep yours

Catherine, I'm dying to tell you I love you
Damn, this situation
Oh, Catherine
I had no intention to fall in
Damn, this situation
Oh, Catherine
You're not mine but I need you
Damn, this situation
Oh, Catherine
It ain't right but I want you
Damn, this situation
Damn, this situation I'm in

(Damn, this situation,
Damn, this situation I'm in)
(Damn, this situation,
Damn, this situation,
Damn, this situation,
Damn, this situation I'm in)

Good Charlotte - Harlow's Song (Can't Dream Without You)

I can't dream without you....
 
When you close your eyes and go to sleep tonight, 
I'll be right outside your door, 
dreams will come and they'll take you away, let them bring you back to me   
And tomorrow when you wake I'll be next to you, 
the protection from the day, 
when the tears fall down your face like morning dew,  
 I'll be there to put a smile on your face, and I'll say
 
I don't wanna live this life without you,
I don't wanna spend the night without you,
I don't wanna know what it's like, I can't dream without you.
I can't dream without you.
 
Let your fire burn bright for the world to see, 
you are the better part of me
when you hold my hand I swear that I believe,  
I'm living in my wildest dreams and I see 

I don't wanna live this life without you,
I don't wanna spend the night without you,
I don't wanna know what it's like, I can't dream without you.
 
Flowers for your hair,  
rainbows for your eyes to see, 
your dreams are everywhere, to carry you away from me, 
away from me someday,  
away from me someday
 
I don't wanna live this life without you,
I don't wanna spend the night without you,
I don't wanna know what it's like, I can't dream without you. 
I don't wanna live this life without you,
I don't wanna spend the night without you,
I don't wanna know what it's like, I can't dream without you.

Gruvi - Jangan Pergi

Ku tak mengerti

 Mengapa harus terjadi 

Kau jauhkan aku dari dirimu 

Oh cintaku
Maafkanlah aku 

Yang tak bisa memahamimu

 Tapi ku coba untuk berubah

 Demi cintamu
Jangan pergi, tinggalkan ku sendiri

 Ku tak mampu, hidup tanpa dirimu 

Jangan pergi, hanyalah cintamu 

Yang mengisi, ruang hampa hidupku
Beri aku kesempatan 

Untuk bahagiakan dirimu

The Script - Before The Worst

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and cokes, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking 'til the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to lose but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
That you would drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we used to, just like we used to

Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we met
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Forever and Always - Taylor Swift

Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye
And we caught onto something
I hold onto the night, you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?
'cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened, please tell me?

'cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line?
Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide
Like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes
Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure

So here's everything coming down to nothing
Here's to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Oh, and it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, I don't think so

Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything
Back up, baby, back up
Did you forget everything

'cause it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always

Oh, I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when we said forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
'cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, you said forever and always... yeah