Hardly Thinking...

It's been almost three weeks since I got back to my hometown.

Two weeks I didn't communicate with my friends.

Three weeks I've focus with my family.

Two weeks away from everything.

And for these three weeks...I almost forgot how to smile, how to laugh...how to have some fun.

My head was full of things. One of them was about my grandfather, I feel it that his journey has to end around this week, my brother has a vision about it too, but something undone so he can't close his eyes with peace, both of us (my brother and me) know that but none of us known what it is all about...and we really don't now what to do.

Everytime I see his face, I'm crying. He always smiling, but his eyes was totally empty. Once I saw tears streaming down his face but when we ask why, he always smile and said "Nothing, I'm okay." . All we know grandpa was already forget about us...almost everything, except grandma...we truly feel sad, but we have nothing to do with that. All we can do is pray to a God for his goodness.

There're a bunch of things on my mind, but couldn't talk about it here...It's just too much and I feel like I shouldn't talk about it.

I think I really need someone to share what's on my mind lately, but... I don't know who. Not my family, not my friends...who?

I'm hopeless, I've been thinking hardly for these days...I feel useless..

I'm sick of pretending I'm Okay. tired hiding what I feel...but I just couldn't let anyone know about it...

I think I need some times in a beautiful place to clear my head but I don't know where to go, I've been asked for someone's help...but, he refuse me...avoid me.

I'm about to lose my mind
I don't know what else I can do.